Sunday 15 January 2012

10 Bands I Dislike - And the Reasons Why (Part I).

For my first, non-introductory post, I was going to release some of my album reviews. I then, however realised that as my college work hasn't been marked, and so I might get done for plagiarism. Against myself.                                                      
-insert facepalm here- 
To avoid such a stupid and humiliating situation, I've decided to write about some of the bands I really despise, and exactly why they get under my skin.

I'm going to say this now though - everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I band I might hate, for whatever reason, you may love. And hey, I'm ok with that. If you're one of the few who actually like or hate a specific band for reasons other than it being 'cool' or being a 'non-conformist', then kudos to you. So if what I say ruffles your feathers, just take one of the following steps:

1. Stop reading the article, and look at something else online, and get on with your life. It's not hard, as much as some of the trolls out there seem to believe it is.

2. Just skip that particular band. You don't have to read everything, just skip the bit that bothers you, like a normal human being.


3. Read it, accept the differing opinions and move on. Everyone is different, like I said before, so no need to make a big deal out of it.

4. Be a complete troll and pitiful keyboard warrior, and express your rage through a series of non-verbal gutteral utterances which hold no sematic value whatsoever, whilst everyone else just sits and laughs.

Now we've got that out the way, we can get on to the main topic at hand. The fact of the matter is, I love a lot of bands. I own well over 200 albums, and find new songs and bands I like the sounds of regularly. There are, however, a few bands out there which I cannot abide. The reasons for this can be as simple as the fact I think they're a complete pile of shit, or they can be something wildly different. 

Aerosmith.

This might take a few people out there by surprise, considering I love a lot of 80s rock, but I loathe Aerosmith with a passion. 'Why?' I hear you cry, or at least non-chalantly wonder. Well, there are many reasons. First off, like Green Day (who will be making an appearance later in this post, just to warn you now) I associate them with a bad time in my life, and to people whom I never want to see again. That might sound silly to some, but I know I'm not the only one that does this.

Music is an important, intrigated part of my life, and so certain parts of my life, and certain people in my life, get associated with specific bands. Once something becomes tainted like that, I tend to avoid it like the plague. It isn't the only reason I don't like them, mind you. The other reason is a bit more logical: I just don't like them. The songs don't draw me in on a personal level, and Steven Tyler's singing just doesn't interest me.'Love in an Elevator' and 'Crazy' feel like they drag on for an age whenever I hear them.

'Dude Looks Like a Lady' has a nice chorus, and I don't mind 'Walk this Way' (so long as it's the version featuring Run DMC, not the original, which I personally find a bit bland and listless). Bar these two songs though, I'm really not a fan. Out of all the 70s and 80s bands there are out there, Aerosmith are probably my least favourite of them all.

I do, however, respect these guys (ignoring the whole being a judge on American Idol thing). If it weren't for them, there might not be a Motley Crue, for a start. Due to their crass Nazi jokes at his interview, Michael Schenker decided against joining them and instead formed MSG, one of the bands I do really like.



So yeah, Nazi jokes can somehow, sometimes, have a good outcome. Who'd have thought it?

Green Day.

I said they would be in the post, so I thought I should mention them early on. Green Day are one of those bands which I have never 'got'. The thing which mainly annoys me though, is the fact they are classed as punk. Now, as far as I'm concerned, Sex Pistols were punk. The Clash were punk. Even Gallows (yet another band to grace this list) are arguably new age punk.

Punk music was a form of anarchism, a rebellion against the government at the time, where lots of angry kids stood together and shouted 'Fuck you!' to anyone who happened to get in their way. The government, their parents, the neighbour's dog, whatever was there, they rebelled against it. They might not have been able to even play their instruments (Sid Vicious being well known for not even being able to play bass when he joined Sex Pistols, but was initiated into the band because of how he looked), but the music reflected the world, especially the UK, at the time. I doubt it would've had the same hard-hitting effect with overproduced, non-offensive songs like 'American Idiot' , 'Holiday' and the irritatingly repetitive 'Do You Know the Enemy?' After hearing that song even once over, I concluded that Billie Joe Armstrong got stuck like an old vinyl LP, but they decided to just run with it because, hey, they were out of ideas, and those darned kids will listen to anything these days.

Unfortunately, in that last respect, they appear to be dangerously close to the mark.

Coupled with the main reason for my disliking of Aerosmith, Green Day just aren't for me. They're a band who are claiming to be part of a genre for the downtrodden, angry youths of the world, but in a reality are a mainstream (a word I don't use lightly), sellout pop-rock band with their heads in the clouds and a physical inability to cohesively string together more than 3 chords per song.


Gallows.

You may have already have guessed that I'm not a fan of punk music, or those that claim to be punk. You'd be right - while I have respect and understanding for the movement, I'm not a fan of the music. However, that isn't why I hold a grudge against the notoriously aggravating Gallows. No, the reason I hate these so much is far more simple than that: Frank Carter is a dick.

                                                                       A face sculpted by 3 year olds, using dog turds and a shovel.


I've witnessed Gallows twice, whilst they supported bands I actually had an interest in seeing. The first time, I can't really complain. It was before anyone really knew of them, and they just got on with it. They weren't my cup of tea, but they didn't really do a bad job. The second time I saw them, however, things had changed. 

Frank's ego had swollen to many times the size of the venue, and even though they were the second lowest band on the bill out of five bands, he seemed to think everyone was there for them. One girl near the front, who was there for one of the main bands, expressed her disgust in him spitting on her face, a pretty standard reaction for people to have to such repugnant behaviour. Frank, however, took this as a personal insult, and for the remainder of the set made it his personal mission in life to publicly humiliate and destroy this girl. (Such as screaming a her 'You're so fucking ugly you should wear a paper bag over your face for the rest of your life. You're so fucking hideous I can't stand the sight of you!' As far as I'm concerned, this is surely a prime example of the pot calling the kettle black.)

It got so bad that their own fans turned against him. One tank of an ex-fan next to me, with muscles the size of small mountains and the face of someone who thinks dying is for the weak snarled 'I'm going to wait for him round the back and smash his fucking ginger face in'. He had the look of a man who could beat up titans for fun if he so wished, and if Death ever dared come for him, he would just spit in his face and make Death his little bitch, so, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't have put it past him.

How Frank escaped this gig unscathed still eludes me, but what I do know is that this wasn't a one off occurrence. At other gigs on that tour, he was often heard to make snide remarks at anyone who wasn't there to see him, followed by fleeing like an antelope from a pride of ravenous lions. Personally, I think such behaviour is repulsive. I know that Frank isn't with Gallows anymore, but it's still put me off them, completely. What right does he think he has to act like that towards people who have paid to go see bands, other than him?

It's infuriating, but either way, at least the rest of us don't have to go through the rest of our lives covered in some really shitty tattoos that look like they were made with by a young child with an etch-a-sketch and with really shaky hands, or the memory that somewhere in the UK there is an bald, angry Geordie Terminator waiting to beat the living daylights out of us.

Brokencyde/Design the Skyline.


I try to keep fairly open minded about different genres of rock and metal, but these two bands, as well as the entire screamo-crunk movement, are a step too far into the ridiculous. If you haven't heard them, I dare you to click on the link above.


If you got all the way through that, I salute you. I can't get my head around this whole 'br00tal' thing to save my life. Just... why? Some of this doesn't even fit together, a lot of it isn't anything other than noise, and some of it is post-metalcore (sort of). The 'vocals' for these 'songs' (both of those which I use in the loosest possible terms) are dire squawking noises that you expect a parrot being strangled to maybe make. Nails on a blackboard don't give justice to how terrible the 'vocals' are. In years to come, is that what we want people to remember us for? Really?

Words escape me when I attempt to describe this. How has this even come into fruition? Did they kidnap the head of some record company, and hold them to ransom, in order to gain a record deal and a music video? Did they do unspeakable things for the record company to gain a deal, or have some relative at the company? Was it a sick joke like a 'Find the worst band you can' day at work that has spiralled out of control?


I don't think we'll ever find out the answer to that question, but to the people in on the joke - thanks. Thanks a whole fucking lot.

Deftones.

Deftones are a band that I really, well and truly loathe. I cannot understand how a band has got big whilst being a conglomerate vacuum for sucking so much joy out of the world. The song 'Minerva' is my least favourite song, ever. I've set it as a challenge to friends to try and listen to it the entire way through, and so far none of them have managed it. And considering there are bands like Brokencyde and Design the Skyline out there, that really does say a lot. At least not a lot of people know those two bands. No, this band are considered quite big. Somehow.

The vocals for this band are beyond a joke. They consist of whining slurred utterances that cannot seriously be taken as words. Wayne Rooney understands and can formulate words better (all 6 of the ones that he knows). I do not understand the fascination with them, or how they continue to sell albums in such vast quantities. It hasn't been an overnight success either - this has been something they've managed to get from many years of being a vacuum for joy. If you gave a young child this album for a present, they would start crying and ask what they've done to you to make you hate them so much.


It's not like I've only heard the one song either. I've heard a few, and none of them get much better. They are monotonous, dull, and unexhilirating. There is nothing about them that doesn't annoy me, musically. To accompany the slur of -cough- 'vocals' that go with this band, the band seem to be having a competition amongst themselves to see which of them can play their instruments in the most unimaginative and boring way, whilst simulataneously trying to play their instruments the worst they can. My 10 year old brother can compose more cohesive and structured songs than Deftones can, and I can guarantee they'll be better to boot.

I would never wish death on someone; that would just be wrong. But I do wish that someone would sever the vocal cords, and hands, of every member of Deftones, so no one has to suffer listening to them ever again.




Well, that's the first half of my ramblings over and done with. I'll probably write Part II tomorrow, so, if you're still interested, then tune in.


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